the missing pieces

to all brides to be, what is the first thing cross your mind, when word WEDDING is uttered?

i'm sure, each and everyone will have their own thoughts and opinions and imagination about wedding.

for me, the first thing that came to my mind is...


family and friends,

and a pleasant feeling of happiness.


just two. only two.



those two, combined, will somehow give a feeling, as i would like to describe as having a mug of hot chocolate and very comfortable,cozy blanket in a very cold and nasty winter night.that is a pure content feeling. that is something that make you feel complete, like nothing else matters.

maybe my annotation might be simple, but that is how simple is my first thought of a wedding.

i don't mind whether my wedding is big, or whether my wedding will be an extravaganza event. i just hope that it will run smoothly, and everyone is happy.my family.and.my friends.

with that, of course, i want them to be there, on the happiest day of my life.

but I know that everything that we want, not all we can have. I know that, I know that, I keep reminding myself of that. One thing I know is that my sister cannot be there, during my big day *huuuuuu* I also know that it due to a good cause. When she mentioned that she cannot make it (she's in UK btw), I had this heavy feeling in my heart and my eyes suddenly filled with tears. It's not that I am angry nor I am sad. I just feel that something will be/is missing. My eldest sister is my inspiration, one of the cores of my big day. It will be weird if I do not have the feeling that I was feeling that time.

I even once had this weird dream, I just woke up from sleep, I went downstairs and heard lots of noise. Someone is yapping instructing something to other people at back room downstairs. That kind of sound seriously sounded like my bossy sister (in a good way of course heh), but in my mind was 'Hey, she is not in Malaysia, that can't be her!' But when I reached the room, there she was, like she always is, cleaning up the house while making noise (haha). Seeing her there, made me surprised. Then, I woke up from the dream. Haishh. *Sad*

I am sorry to have that kind bitter feeling, when I know, I truly know that it's due to a good cause. It's a PhD, for godsake! Who can just abandon it just like that, especially when you're in the mid of the research. I know my sister wouldn't! She is not that type. Although she will not be here, I really glad she helped a lot since the beginning of the preparation, and during the engagement event until now. That was done thru thanks to today's technology, the phone and the internet! Anything is possible! Thanks so so much sister!

After I can take in the news, I am happy. Although that my sister is far across the world, she still managed to comment my tudung didn't match with my top haha! What I'm really saying is, the most important of all, somehow she is still near to us, at heart :)

This is one weird long post about feelings and wedding. Big sis, if you're reading this, no pressure please! This is a post just to let you know that you are appreciated even you are far away. No need to book any ticket, coz I'm not paying anything, your sister here is br*ke! hahaha. Coz like I said before and I am saying now, I understand, we understand :). We love you sis! Take care!



xoxo